


That happened

by holisticriv (rivscreamsnk)



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Dirk Gently, Gen, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25616137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivscreamsnk/pseuds/holisticriv
Summary: Where Dirk Gently struggles with processing that he had been imprisoned in Blackwing, because it only slowly dawns on him and he doesn't actually want it to, either.Takes place throughout season 2, with vague references to its events.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	That happened

The first day, everything seemed fine. He wanted it to be, anyway, and it seemed fairly easy to be swept into the whirlwind of events that immediately followed his emergence from a car trunk. When he saw Todd, he was so overcome with relief and joy that he let himself forgot where he just came from.

The first hint of that he had not completely escaped the reality of Blackwing came when he was confronted with Todd and Farah’s status as Most Wanted by the FBI. He asked them, in complete disbelief and shock, “what did you guys _do_?” before realising the answer was… well. That.

It was fine, though. He didn’t feel it. Not yet, anyway. He suspected he might feel more about it later when he was less… all of this, but he also did not mind at all that he seemed fine for now. There was a new case! Things could be normal again. Well, normal for him and Todd and Farah, anyway. So, he tried focusing on that, and it seemed successful. This was going to be good!

The second day, however, everything started crashing down. He woke up with the pressuring feeling of _shit, Blackwing really happened. Again_. So, he tried another strategy. He realised he was still wearing evidence of That, and thankfully Tina seemed more than happy to help him with that. When he looked in the mirror, he felt more like himself again. See, it was still going to be fine, better even, it was going to be good!

Except the clothes were not enough. Slowly but surely, his brain was coming down with the crushing realisation that _Blackwing happened_. He was free now, but that still meant he needed to deal with the emotional aftermath of having gone through all of that again. And really, actually, he needed a break.

The expectations were too much. He felt looked at, constantly, and more and more people looked _expectantly_. No, he couldn’t do this. It was too complicated, he felt too incompetent, he didn’t want people to get hurt. And yet they did.

He couldn’t get himself excited, not really, about this case. If it were simple, maybe, this could bring them back to a comfortable status quo. But every time he hoped the solution was simple and acted on that idea, more people got hurt. It was all too much. Maybe escaping had been the wrong thing. At least, during That, he had been the only one who got hurt. And maybe, he deserved that given how much hurt he inflicted on others.

It was all spiralling out of control way too fast for him. He could tell Todd was frustrated with him. And hell, he was too. His brain just wouldn’t work right, he couldn’t see the connections, it was all too much, still, and it was only getting _more_. He needed this pressure to go away, but whatever he tried, it only ended up doing the opposite.

Honestly, every single thing he did was bad. _Wrong_. So, maybe he should just stop doing anything at all. That seemed to be the only way to assure the pressure would go away. Nothing could add onto it if he did nothing, found nothing at all. Todd disagreed with that idea, but he could no longer get himself to move. He could tell that that was bad for Todd, and all he could do was hope Amanda could be there for Todd, so his incompetence didn’t fuck things up further for Todd either.

Somehow, his lack of movement still turned out to be him participating. It was infuriating. But, it also led to him actually finally solving the case. He could finally put it all together after he’d given up on that ever happening. There may be hope yet, and he decided to let himself get swept up in it again. If he could feel good, competent, again, he had to do this.

And it worked out. It had taken way too long for him to feel like this again, to feel like himself again, a real holistic detective. But he had that feeling back. He really hoped it would stay this time. Thankfully, Todd and Farah were still here, even after he put them through all of that. And so, he tried to believe in his friends, in himself.


End file.
